Saturday, September 21, 2013

This Little Light Of Mine


I just remembered how I would constantly be singing this song when I was little... & how I wish I could go back and warn myself of everything that was to come and take my light away... I was once very innocent and naive about people and what they could do to me. I've been put down and pushed around and taken advantage of. I developed depression and anxiety. I became an angry and sad person. I was too afraid to stand up for myself, and was pressured into many things that I really didn't want to do: lying, cheating, smoking, drugs, alcohol, sex... I didn't know who I had become. I would look in the mirror and not know who I was. The horror of feeling so lost in your own skin, always leading to self-destruction, in more ways than one. The constant battle of debates in your head, fighting against your thoughts and what is reality. Trying to find something to give you hope, to keep you wanting to be alive, but only resorting back to the very things that made you feel so helpless in the first place. The cycle is hell. I honestly cannot tell you how I escaped the cycle, however. It seemed like such an impossible thing to do, living in that darkness and desperation. But the truth is.. my light was never taken away. It always remained inside of me. And each second, each minute, each day, each week I was able to stay away from the pressure people put on me, the stronger I became. The darkness lessened and my light shown closer to the surface. I used my light to block out the negative influences, while slowly discovering who the inner-me really was. It was a great struggle and took a long time, but eventually, it was clear who I was supposed to be. I am now able to stand up for myself and do the things I want to do, and refuse the things I don't. I realized that this is MY life and I only have one, so I am going to live it MY way. You can never give up, and you can never give in. You have your own light inside of you. You must keep searching and stay strong, and you too will find yourself. Embrace your light, and let it shine.